The Nuclear Troll

Donald Trump was having one of those days again. One of those days when he felt like Julius Caesar - only without the laurel wreath, armed instead with a Truth Social post and three stealth bombers. Puffing out his chest with pride, the president declared over the weekend the “total, absolute, biblically-complete” victory over Iran’s nuclear program. Fordo, Natanz, Isfahan - all flattened. Dust. History. “WE HAVE WON!” he wrote - as if he could reverse reality with the sheer force of typing, letter by letter, against the gravity of facts.

But Iran - that ungrateful upstart - actually had the audacity deluxe not to stay buried beneath the rubble.

Then came Iran’s response on Tuesday - and what a response it was: “Our nuclear program will resume without interruption.” Short and painful. The message sounded like something from a Marvel movie, as if Thanos had returned, only in a turban and with centrifuges instead of Infinity Stones. Just picture Trump’s face when the briefing from Tehran landed on his desk: the toupee halfway airborne, the Diet Coke halfway swallowed, his mood sinking below Mar-a-Lago’s sea level. What exactly remains in Iran, no one knows. But “enough,” said a senior official - and that was enough to trigger a cold nuclear sweat in the West Wing.

The world saw a president who believed he could reshape geopolitical reality with three bombs and a Bible quote. But instead of a century-defining peace, he delivered a three-day meme. While Trump was still fantasizing in all-caps about “the end of the nuclear threat,” Iranian technicians were already loading uranium back into their high-gloss centrifuges - likely with a sardonic grin and the hashtag: #ThanksDonald. Say what you will about the Iranian regime - but in the art of trolling, they seem to have earned a master’s degree. They didn’t even wait 72 hours before giving Trump the ultimate middle finger - not with missiles, not with diplomacy, but with the simple announcement that they would just carry on. One might almost think Tehran had launched a social media division - under the name: “Department of Maximum Embarrassment for Western Leaders.”

And Trump? He declared that “both sides” had violated the ceasefire - one of those statements that would make Orwell spin in his grave. He condemned Iran, condemned Israel, condemned the facts. His latest strategy: if reality doesn’t fit your story, just throw a red tie over it and declare it the enemy. The world laughs. Or cries. Or both. Donald Trump, the “great deal-maker,” has taught the world a lesson - unfortunately not in diplomacy, but in hubris. And Iran? Iran is enriching again. Uranium, of course. Not humor. That - they already had.

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