Birthday with a Seat Reservation - How Trump Got His Parade Booked Out and Emptied

Washington, June 16, 2025 – It was the big day of the big man. The Army turned 250, Trump 79 – and together they marched as if the nation were still intact. But what was intended as a triumph of military might and ego ended in a choreography of emptiness. Where hundreds of thousands were expected to cheer, there were yawning gaps between flagpoles and flat screens. Only the robot dogs held their posture.

6,000 soldiers marched, 128 tanks rolled, fighter jets thundered over the Capitol, while JD Vance delivered a patriotically glossed birthday speech in which he somehow also celebrated his marriage. The uniforms shifted from Yorktown to Fallujah, but something was missing in between – people. No wave of enthusiasm, no spark on the National Mall. And that, even though the president declared the US to be the “hottest country in the world.” What he forgot: garbage also catches fire.

The cause? No thunderstorms, no roadblocks – but targeted ticket reservations by opponents. TikTok activists from Canada, Scotland, Australia, and the Deep South of wrath had secured tickets en masse, with no intention of ever attending. “I got ten tickets here in Australia. Oops, my bad,” Hahahahah. “I signed up as Barack Obama, Ooppss." And so it happened that a million-viewer audience watched from their screens as 45 million dollars marched down the National Mall – past gaps, swept by ironic wind. The 50501 Movement publicly called for the ticket blockade, while around 2,000 counter-demonstrations took place under the slogan No Kings. No tanks, no JD Vance. Just voices that stood up against deportation, queer hostility, and governmental overreach. Voices that – like the empty chairs by the Monument – could not be bought.

One might say the president threw a birthday party – but no one showed up. Maybe because the country is tired of those who promise fireworks instead of freedom. Maybe because the myth of strength now only stands out in silence. And maybe because even a 250-year-old army cannot save what has long become a caricature of itself. A country that books tickets – just to never show up.