It’s midsummer in Berlin. The asphalt is shimmering, the tram isn’t moving, and the last public drinking fountain in Pankow is drying up – a symbol of the city’s political imagination. The solution? A missile defense system. While sirens are missing, schools are crumbling, and citizen offices have been offline since 2019, the CDU dreams of an “Iron Dome for Berlin.” Seriously. The capital wants to shield itself – not from bureaucracy, but from hypersonic threats. Dirk Stettner, CDU parliamentary leader and amateur strategist, proposes importing an Israeli short-range missile defense system – not as a metaphor, but as hardware. His caucus is even planning a trip to Tel Aviv. Maybe to learn how to get things done. Or at least how to pretend. In Berlin, however, there’s no early warning system – just early exasperation. And if the Russians really do come, the Senate’s biggest concern will likely be that they show up without an appointment.
By the way, the “Iron Dome” is built for missiles, not realities. Hypersonic? It dies laughing. Target data? Usually unavailable in Berlin. Even the mailman gives up when the elevator breaks down. But the CDU sees it differently: While elderly women in Lichtenberg stumble in the dark, interceptor missiles are supposed to circle the skies over Moabit. The enemy could be lurking anywhere – except, of course, in the federal budget. At the same time, the city announces that due to budget holes, there will be no new drinking fountains. People are asked to bring their own water – or hope that the Iron Dome will one day protect against dehydration too. Berlin is a city of visions – as long as no one asks who’s paying for them. The last functioning bomb shelter stands in a party basement in Neukölln and is currently listed on Airbnb.
“Modern security” is the magic phrase. But what really protects us? An interception system from Israel or a functioning disaster management infrastructure? A shield of metal or one of social cohesion? And who’s going to inform the city that the next attack won’t come with rockets, but with heatwaves, blackouts, and political arbitrariness? Conclusion: The Berlin Iron Dome is like the city administration – expensive, patchy, symbolically overloaded. It protects above all against one thing: the admission that nothing has been done for far too long. Maybe instead of missiles, we should first reactivate the sirens. Or better yet – reason.
Fazit: Der Berliner Iron Dome ist wie die Verwaltung – teuer, lückenhaft, symbolisch überladen. Er schützt vor allem eines: vor dem Eingeständnis, dass man zu lange nichts getan hat. Vielleicht sollte man statt Raketen einfach erst mal die Sirenen reaktivieren. Oder noch besser: die Vernunft.
English 
German 
