The Day the Highest Court of Trumpsurdistan Went Bankrupt

It has come to this: The United States of America, inventors of democracy, the Statue of Liberty, and the three-course meal to go, have now achieved what was once reserved only for banana republics - the Supreme Court is bankrupt. Not morally, they’ve been that for a while now, at least six of them. No, also financially. In Washington, the cash has run out, and the gods in robes now sit on unpaid chairs made of institutional pathos. Patricia McCabe, spokesperson for the Supreme Court, declared on Friday in a mixture of bureaucratic English and apocalyptic prophecy that the Court “expects to have no funds as of October 18.” The Court will then “adjust its operations to comply with the law.” That sounds about as reassuring as “We’re about to fly into a mountain, but we’re following safety procedures.”

The consequences are bizarre: the most venerable building of American justice is closing its doors to the public. No visitors, no tourists, no souvenir inscribed with Equal Justice Under Law. Only the justices remain - in their offices, under dimmed lights to save electricity, while deciding on the fundamental rights of a nation that apparently doesn’t have enough budget left to pay for the light bulb above the Constitution.

The Most Expensive Poverty in the World

Chief Justice John Roberts, guardian of the balance between chaos and greater chaos, now finds himself in the curious position of overseeing budget law while his own budget collapses. Picture it: nine judges in solemn silence deliberating on Trump’s military deployment in Chicago - with cold coffee and empty accounts. Perhaps they will soon launch Crowdfunding for Justice. “Donate 10 dollars today so Brett Kavanaugh can keep drinking beer while ruling on the fate of the Republic.” Samuel Alito could become the commercial face of emergency generators. Clarence Thomas sells hand-blessed, autographed copies of the Constitution. And Chief Justice Roberts calls out in a livestream: “For only 50 dollars a month, secure your personal right to habeas corpus!”

When Democracy Becomes a Subscription Model

America has turned itself into an absurd subscription system. For 9.99 dollars a month, you can watch Netflix - but not expect a fair verdict. The state that spends trillions on wars, drones, and presidential golf trips has no money left to pay its judges. The “checks and balances” have finally become checks without coverage. And while protesters outside the Supreme Court hold up their signs - for minority rights, against gerrymandering, against Trump’s tariffs - somewhere in a basement an employee is wondering whether the seal of Justice could be auctioned on eBay. Maybe it would bring enough to pay for another week of light.

The Gods Starve, the King Dines

While the highest court empties its accounts, Donald Trump dines in Mar-a-Lago on lobster and champagne. The president who wanted to make the country “great” again for the second time has succeeded in turning the top pillar of the separation of powers into a welfare office with judicial shine. But not to worry: according to the official statement, the Court will continue to perform its “constitutional functions.” Article III of the Constitution guarantees, after all, that judges will continue even when the system collapses - as long as they can still find enough paper for rulings and warrants.

Welcome to the Jurisdiction of Scarcity

So this is what dictatorship after democracy looks like: the judiciary works unpaid, the government is in perpetual conflict, and the White House resembles a gold-plated casino. The United States - once a model of the rule of law - has become a place where laws are pronounced on credit. Maybe they should change the motto at the Supreme Court. Instead of “Equal Justice Under Law,” simply:

“Justice - subject to available funding.”