{"id":14339,"date":"2025-09-06T11:56:22","date_gmt":"2025-09-06T09:56:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/kaizen-blog.org\/?p=14339"},"modified":"2025-09-06T11:56:26","modified_gmt":"2025-09-06T09:56:26","slug":"der-schnellste-weg-in-den-himmel-trumps-15-dollar-ticket","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kaizen-blog.org\/en\/der-schnellste-weg-in-den-himmel-trumps-15-dollar-ticket\/","title":{"rendered":"The Fastest Way to Heaven \u2013 Trump\u2019s $15 Ticket"},"content":{"rendered":"

Donald Trump has a new idea for how to get to paradise: by credit card. In a mass email that his Super PAC \u201cNever Surrender\u201d sent out three times, it says in black and white: \u201cFriend, I want to try and get to Heaven.\u201d And because the road to heaven apparently has a toll, the 79-year-old is asking his supporters to chip in $15 \u2013 \u201cto keep the wins rolling in.\u201d It is a fundraising appeal that sounds as if he had swallowed a televangelist in Trump Tower. The president told his supporters that God had saved him during the assassination attempt in Butler, Pennsylvania, in 2024 \u2013 \u201cby the grace of the almighty God\u201d \u2013 so that he could continue to \u201cMAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!\u201d And now, he said, it was time to settle the debt. \u201cSo now I have no other choice but to answer the Call to Duty, but I can\u2019t do it alone,\u201d Trump writes, staging his ascension to heaven as a collective crowdfunding project.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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The irony is as thick as his orange foundation: A billionaire, estimated by Forbes at $6.1 billion, is holding out the collection plate and implicitly quoting the Bible \u2013 only without the part where Jesus says, \u201cIt is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.\u201d With Trump, it sounds more as if he personally renegotiated the verse: $15 for the ticket to heaven, please in small bills. The timing is no coincidence. Trump\u2019s email went out while the wildest rumors about his health were circulating online. His hand was said to be bruised, his ankles swollen, and his gaffes increasing. Over Labor Day, the hashtag #TrumpIsDead even trended \u2013 until the president appeared on the White House lawn on Saturday morning and went off to the golf course. \u201cProof of life,\u201d one of his favorite broadcasters headlined. On X, someone joked: \u201cIf Trump\u2019s dead, they should bury JD Vance with him like pharaohs did with their cats.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Trump sits there like a candidate for Judgment Day while his advisers grant him absolution by laying on hands. You almost expect the collection plate for the $15 heaven donation to be passed around any moment.<\/strong><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
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But Trump would not be Trump if he did not monetize the moment of collective relief. \u201cI\u2019m still alive\u201d became \u201cI want to get to heaven,\u201d and resurrection turned into a fundraising campaign. The rhetoric is as melodramatic as an American campaign ad: \u201cI wasn\u2019t supposed to beat Crooked Hillary in 2016 - but I did. I wasn\u2019t supposed to survive an assassin\u2019s bullet - but by the grace of the almighty God, I did.\u201d The only logical conclusion: God is apparently a member of \u201cTeam MAGA\u201d and now expects the base to open their wallets. You could almost feel sorry for him. A thrice-married president who publicly admits he is \u201cat the bottom of the totem pole\u201d for heaven and now wants to buy his way up with the help of his voters. Perhaps this is the most honest message of his entire career: Salvation is not free, but $15, payable via the link in the newsletter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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